The Worst Job in the World

Okay, not really, but it's hard to imagine many gigs in Washington more life-destroying than writing copy for Media Matters. (Or Newsbusters, to be bipartisan about it.) Here you are, young and impressionable and looking to make your mark on politics and journalism, and your life's work is to sit in front of the TV, waiting for someone like Christopher Hitchens to say something insulting about a liberal - which, after all, is what Christopher Hitchens comes on television to do, that is when he isn't insulting conservatives - at which point you get to write the following:

Citing the potential for increased press scrutiny of Obama, Hitchens asserted: "[T]his dumb, nasty, ethnic rock 'n' roll racist church that he goes to in Chicago, he won't be able to walk away from that anymore." In fact, while Obama's church -- the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago -- is predominantly African-American, it has been described by non-blacks as "enthusiastically welcom[ing]." According to an April 2 article on the website for The Martin Marty Center -- which is described on its website as "an institute for the advanced study of religion at the University of Chicago" -- professor emeritus Martin E. Marty wrote of Obama's church: "My wife and I on occasion attend, and, like all other non-blacks, are enthusiastically welcomed." In addition, Rev. Jane Fisler Hoffman, a minister in the United Church of Christ who attends Trinity, recently made a statement about the church -- video of which is available online -- in which she stated that "[m]inisters all around the United Church of Christ -- European-American, African-American, and other denominations -- bring people from their churches to Trinity because the worship is so powerful, the preaching is so meaningful and prophetic." Hoffman went on to add that Trinity "is a church that reaches out to everybody, locally, around the world, all colors, and it just wants to share the gospel and good news of Jesus."

Take that, Hitchens! Several people disagree with you! You got pwned!

I should note that the item also goes on to complain about Hitchens' comparison of Clinton to "zombies, vampires, and werewolves," though it's left a bit unclear whether it's protesting the comparison on behalf of Hillary or on behalf of the undead. (Yes, I'm insinuating that Hillary Clinton might be worse than Dracula. Come get me, Media Matters!)

Comments

Dear Mr Douthat, I am writing to object, in the strongest possible terms, to your willingness to assume that "undead" is somehow a term with negative connotations, or that Senator Clinton should be condemned for being part of our extensive United States membership. She has done sterling work in our GOTV effort, most noteworthily in Ohio, where millions of of the undead flocked to support her. Please, do not condemn us for being who we are. This is a return to the tired and degrading identity politics of the Republican party, which has done so much to damage American. As an Atlantic columnist, I would hope that you would proudly embrace your own undead identity. You have the beard and fangs, please, come out and make our undead community a little more visible.

cordially yours,
William Jefferson Clinton
(co-chair, Undead Concilium Arkansas)

Posted by undeadconcilium | March 6, 2008 9:23 AM

Good post.

It does seem to escape quite a lot of people that the whole purpose of appearing on most tv shows is to say something idiotic and overly speculative. (Although Hitchens does do that better than anyone, granted).

Posted by Jay | March 6, 2008 9:30 AM

I dunno, Ross -- Dracula's policy initiatives would certainly seem to be much more in line with the Republican base. Who else would support his "border fence of impaled Mexicans on stakes" proposal or his "drink the blood of the poor to alleviate both rising food costs and homelessness in our cities" plan? And as former prince of Wallachia, Vlad the Impaler has a great deal of experience warring with Muslims and refining advanced interrogation techniques, a definite plus in the post-Bush world of foreign policy.

In fact, I'm going to strongly urge John McCain to select Vlad Dracula as his running mate. (And as the good count is well over 600 years old, McCain's a veritable spring chicken by comparison)

McCain/Dracula '08! Leadership You Can Sink Your Teeth Into!

Posted by Liberal Lestat | March 6, 2008 9:58 AM

FYI, I actually know a couple of people who work for MM. To a person, they love their jobs and think they're doing something pretty important.

Posted by SDM | March 6, 2008 10:05 AM

Clinton, you have absolutely no credibility when it comes to advocating on behalf of undead, supernatural and eternally-damned Americans. When you ran for president in 1992, and people called you soft on the occult, you ran back to Arkansas to participate in a "werewolf" "hunt", fatally shooting three lupine-Americans with silver bullets. And who could forget your famous "Brother Cthulhu" moment, when you shared a podium with the Great Old One just so you could denounce the way his hideous countenance and bottomless evil have driven a generation of Americans into an ecstasy of madness?

Sure, you won the election. But what's more important--transitory political gain or ushering in a hellish future in which antediluvian horror will burst forth from the non-Euclidean temples of the sunken city?

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Posted by Abdul Alhazred | March 6, 2008 10:09 AM

What a strange and pointless post. You quote a long passage for no clear reason and use that to illustrate the mysterious claim that writing such a passage makes it "the worst job in the world."

Lazy writing on your part and fodder for consideration during my next planned pruning of Google Reader.

Posted by jonm | March 6, 2008 10:13 AM

The Mad Arab (by whom I do not mean Senator Obama) is clearly distorting President Clinton's record in dealing with the Hellspawned-American community, and these vicious attacks should be challenged by a responsible press.

It should also be pointed out that the Great Old One Mr. Alhazred so casually references went on to become one of the most effective Vice-Presidents in American history, and even from his undisclosed location in R'lyeh, the tentacles of his influence are felt throughout the political world, so clearly The Old Gods' plans to wreak inconcievable horrors upon the Earth have not been in any way impeded by President Clinton.

Posted by Liberal Lestat | March 6, 2008 10:19 AM

How is monitoring the media for negative things any worse than monitoring politicians' words for missteps, hypocrisies, etc? The self-proclaimed fourth branch deserves to be held accountable despite your grousing. I don't see how holding the press accountable is any less "life destroying" than what you engage in every day obsessing over the likes of Hillary Clinton and George Bush.

You must be feeling bad about your blog today--why else would you try to degrade the far more influential blogs of Media Matters and NewsBusters? They routinely get cited in the MSM and the blogosphere far more than you ever will be.

Posted by Hablonic | March 6, 2008 10:25 AM

Dear Abdul,
The Undead Concilium has received your latest screed, and we decline to respond to a mad Arab who wrote one deranged book claiming that liberals are fascists. You know very well you stole the idea from Richard Yogsothoth Cheney, who is now being held at one of our undisclosed secret locations in the little library in Arkansas!
I have spent 35 years of experience making America a more undead place, and I am confident that when my campaign has the delegates from Florida and Michigan seated we shall find that a large majority of them have embraced their undead status. Florida has been an especially rich source for supporters of the Undead Clinton Library, although California and Chairman Hsu have also provided much valuable support.
In conclusion, I hope you will join me for our next Undead GOTV initiative in Pennsylvania.

cordially,
William Jefferson Clinton

ps. I mean, Hillary Rodham Clinton. I've been a bit disoriented since the new body arrived. You know how it is.

Posted by undeadconcilium | March 6, 2008 10:25 AM

I think what Media Matters does is not just to point out media bias in the actual news, but also to correct misinformation coming from pundits like Hitchens. That does seem to be what they're doing in the case of Hitchens' comments on Obama's church. Complaining about his comparison of the Clintons to zombies, on the other hand, does seem rather pointless.

Posted by Mike | March 6, 2008 10:26 AM

"several people disagree" with Hitchens, or he spread malicious, false innuendo about a candidate's church on national television. whichever.

it's about facts, Ross. you're a Republican, you wouldn't understand.

Posted by Anonymous | March 6, 2008 10:33 AM

Ah, news for the day.. a bigoted rant by Christopher Hitchens. What next? Canada is still north of the USA?

Posted by sashaqz | March 6, 2008 10:40 AM

For all I know, the church may be "dumb, nasty, [and] ethnic." Whatever. Tell me more about this "rock 'n' roll" issue.

When did rock 'n roll get to be a bad thing?

Posted by southpaw | March 6, 2008 10:47 AM

Look, I can already see this thread degenerating into another one of those useless flame wars where I accuse President Clinton of hating the Old Ones, and he throws around those same discredited rumors about my alleged mental illness, and then the werewolves start bad-mouthing the vampires, and meanwhile the country continues to be dominated by "good" people who go around assuming that it's better to be alive than dead.

But, brothers and sisters, what unites us is more important than what divides us! There is not a lupine America and a vampiric America--there is only evil America! As I travel around this great country of ours I see Cthulhu cultists who nevertheless respect the ancient and noble role vampires have played in thinning out the human herd. And I've spoken with vampires who recognize that the return of the Old Ones, far from consigning them to a subordinate role, will actually allow them to finally come out of the closet and practice their lifestyle with dignity. And I think we'd all agree that, however brutal President Clinton may have been in his interactions with our community, his presidency was far worse for the living than it was for the dead.

And, needless to say, things have trended even more in our favor since that fateful "scuba diving trip" in the summer of 2000, when "Dick Cheney" lured Gov. Bush into the dark and ominous depths of the Pacific. Friends, I know a thing or two about the remorseless evil and creeping insanity that infects the minds of those who descend into that ancient and awesome city, and gaze upon its deranged monuments, and see the Old Ones slumbering in their tombs. And, whatever our petty squabbles, I hope we can all agree that our most important mission this year is making sure the next president is just as much a gibbering, apocalyptic lunatic as the incumbent. THAT, and not pointless internecine warfare, is what will make our nation--and the world--a less tolerable and--dare I say it--more evil place.

Thank you all very much, and may gods damn America.

Posted by Abdul Alhazred | March 6, 2008 10:47 AM

Speaking as an Old One, I wish the Clintons would agree who actually owns that bloody body they keep dragging around the campaign trail! I can't figure out whether I am talking to Hillary or Bill when I call to discuss cash and interns. It's simply not professional. I gave a 35 million dollar donation last month, and I expect a little more clarity for my buck. Damn it, I even arranged for Diebold voting machines to switch to Hillary.. Bill.. no, Hillary.. oh, whatever!

memo to self: for Old One's sake, get a grip, Mark, You realize that Ohio almost voted for Bill by mistake? What do we pay you for anyway? get those tentacles in line, now! Those bloody shysters at Diebold are going to pay for this!

Posted by Yogsothoth | March 6, 2008 10:52 AM

I agree with Anon. This post would make some sense if it were actually about the bias police (which mm obviously is) but his objection to ol Hitch is rooted in fact ... I don't think correcting falsehoods falls into the category of worst job in the world.

And Martin Marty is pretty much the most respected scholar of american religious traditions alive today, so I don't think he falls into the category of just some guy who happens to take issue with Hitchens.

Posted by berger | March 6, 2008 10:57 AM

Dear Abdul,
It's time you stopped giving these speeches where you just promise that darkness will come down, the seas will rise, and undead Cthulhu will rise from his palace under the seas! You make it sound as if it's so easy, and we both know that words don't change anything. I feel your pain, but I am in the solutions business not the NAFTA business.. I mean, the hope business. We don't need hope you can botox, I mean xerox.
You can't just go rushing around America, saying these nice words and expect people to believe you. Anyway, you only win caucuses, and living people - we all know it's the undead primaries in real states that count. You have never been vetted - and everyone knows that you have compromising ties to Rezkuthulhu and the Not Very Old Ones. And that name - Abdul! Well, I can't say you aren't a Muslim, I mean, as far as I know.... I have no reason to disbelieve it. I guess it depends on what you mean by "be".

cordially,
William Jefferson Clinton

ps. No, not Hillary. She's in R'lyeh right now, working on the super Old Ones. I mean Automatic Old Ones.

Posted by undeadconcilium | March 6, 2008 11:01 AM

Dear Abdul,
It's time you stopped giving these speeches where you just promise that darkness will come down, the seas will rise, and undead Cthulhu will rise from his palace under the seas! You make it sound as if it's so easy, and we both know that words don't change anything. I feel your pain, but I am in the solutions business not the NAFTA business.. I mean, the hope business. We don't need hope you can botox, I mean xerox.
You can't just go rushing around America, saying these nice words and expect people to believe you. Anyway, you only win caucuses, and living people - we all know it's the undead primaries in real states that count. You have never been vetted - and everyone knows that you have compromising ties to Rezkuthulhu and the Not Very Old Ones. And that name - Abdul! Well, I can't say you aren't a Muslim, I mean, as far as I know.... I have no reason to disbelieve it. I guess it depends on what you mean by "be".

cordially,
William Jefferson Clinton

ps. No, not Hillary. She's in R'lyeh right now, working on the super Old Ones. I mean Automatic Old Ones.

Posted by undeadconcilium | March 6, 2008 11:01 AM

Has Hitchen's even been there? How the heck would he know what it's like?

I think Hitchen's pwned himself by making a baseless, unfounded and unsubstantiated assertion about something he clearly knows nothing about.

Posted by Jay | March 6, 2008 11:13 AM

I suspect brother Hitchens was the one in the hooded white robe with tasteful noose accessories....

Posted by sashaqz | March 6, 2008 11:15 AM

I should also say that it looks like you pwned yourself by even writing about it. What were you doing? Sitting around waiting for MM to write something? That's just sad:(

Posted by Jay | March 6, 2008 11:17 AM

And that would be different from everything else Hitchens says in what way?

Although I suppose in this case he may have an excuse. You know perfectly well that Hitch can't set foot on consecrated ground...

Posted by allen | March 6, 2008 11:18 AM

Clinton, this is just a return to the same divisive politics of the 1990s. What I want is a return to the kind of unity of purpose and pride in our own evil that thrived in the 720s and 730s. Anyone who says what I offer is "just words" should read some of the words in The Necronomicon. I offer detailed policy proposals on everything from raising the Old Ones to roasting our enemies on spits suspended above the eternal fires of Hell.

But the Clinton campaign doesn't want you to pay attention to any of that. Take this latest desperate insinuation that I just want to sit back and WAIT for the Old Ones to return. Now, anyone who's listened to me on the campaign trail knows I believe that, given the essentially malign and corrupt nature of the universe, the return and eventual triumph of pure evil is an inevitability. But I believe we can all be PART of that evil! I'm not asking you to sit back and be annihilated when the Great Ones return! I'm offering you a chance to find meaning and comfort by enslaving yourself to hideous forces more powerful and destructive than you can possibly imagine!

Ladies and gentlemen when Senator Clinton--or whatever is currently inhabiting her body--promises that she'll be "ready to kill on day one," just ask yourself: who has been hurting humanity for over 1200 years? I'm evil you can believe in! And, far from undermining my candidacy, I think it speaks volumes about my effectiveness that when the undead caucus for me they either assimilate or destroy those who foolishly attempt to caucus for other candidates. We've lived in the shadows--the shadow of the tomb, the shadow of the voting booth--for far too long. Now is the time to reclaim our rightful place as the overlords of debased humanity! WE are the evil we've been waiting for!

Posted by Abdul Alhazred | March 6, 2008 11:22 AM

Until your post I never considered how crucial the undead vote might be in the upcoming primaries. After all, if George Romero's oeuvre tells us anything it's that the undead are pretty thick on the ground in Pennsylvania. And I'm sure that Clinton would be happy to promise flesh-eating zombies some toothsome Americans fattened up at taxpayer expense!

(Yes, I stole that joke from H.L. Mencken.)

Posted by R. Dittmar | March 6, 2008 11:27 AM

When white people are called racists, it is a Very Serious Accusation that must be immediately addressed and contextualized.

When an entire black community is called racist, and local community leaders and one of the most respected scholar in contemporary sociology of religion dispute that allegation in the strongest terms, it's a silly "he said, she said" debate, suitable for making a tangential claim about the partisan interest of Media Matters.

Nice to see Ross' priorities come through so clearly.

Posted by DivGuy | March 6, 2008 11:28 AM

Dear Abdul,
There you go again with the pretty speeches, and no accomplishments to speak of. You can't possibly compare to the 35 years of experience which I accumulated in the White House and serving on corporate boards. I did far more to bring misery, death and destruction to the American people. It's the Apocalypse, stupid. Consider how at Walmart I stopped those liberal do-gooders from forcing unions on defenceless workers, thus enabling them to join the undead community sooner. On Iraq, I adopted the only course which could guarantee death and destruction - and supported an agent for apocalyptic mayhem into the bargain. That's change you can believe in!
In fact, I cared so much about the undead community that I even designated a special liaison to the community as part of my initial White House program. Vince is enjoying the new post immensely, and is still cherished by all.
Have you forgotten my major achievement - the destruction of universal healthcare, which lead directly to this life-favoring concept being ridiculed as socialist medicine? What greater recruiting tool to the undead community could there be?
Abdul, it's time to pick an undead president. Meet me in Pennsylvania for a debate! Let's see what a real undead state has to say.

cordially,
Hillary Jefferson Clinton

ps. Yes, me. William Rodham is out shooting poor people to bolster our numbers. Now that's presidential!

Posted by undeadconcilium | March 6, 2008 11:54 AM

Hillary, I'm not denying that you and Bill have been a fundamentally malign presence in American politics for many decades. But that's exactly the kind of small-time thinking we need to move beyond. I'm not talking about harming America--I'm talking about destroying humanity. Starting a few wars here, hurting a few poor people there--that's all well and good, but now we need leadership that will guide us through the horrendous end-times in which man will devour man. We need a leader with the vision to recognize the horrifying and inhuman architecture of the universe, a leader who will offer up humanity on a profane altar so that it may be destroyed and remade into something at once more hideous and more exalted.

I have no interest in yet another debate, where we squabble in front of an audience of humans who could not possibly comprehend the mighty forces that control their destinies. No, Hillary, meet me in the Great Hall of the sunken city. Perch with me on a stage whose non-Euclidean angles drive men mad. Make your case in oratory to the Old Ones, as I will. And agree that you will abide by their decision, and that the winner will become their slave and the emperor of mankind, and the loser will be cast away into agonies the puny human mind is unfit even to consider.

Posted by Abdul Alhazred | March 6, 2008 12:12 PM

Dear Abdul Hussein Alhazred,
I understand your reluctance to put your case to the real voters. They might notice that you can only do speeches with a tele-prompter before your oozing, gelatinous bulk, as your beak rasps out a thin, eldritch cry. Of course you don't want to risk debating me in public! But the people have a right to pick a president, not to choose your stump speech instead of real undead policies.
Also, do you even know the words of our wonderful Cthulhu Anthem? I've seen you there, onstage, without your Tentacular Alliance pin, flipper dangling at your side, rather than over the viscid festering source of evil that is your heart. That just doesn't seem Undead to me. I am proud of my Undeadness - and I feel that matters in a necrotic president. Shame on you, Abdul Hussein Alhazred!

cordially,
Hillary Jefferson Rodham

ps. if Norman Hsu calls againat 3 am, it's Bill's turn to answer.

Posted by undeadconcilium | March 6, 2008 12:39 PM

Don't you dare question my commitment to death and the undead. There seems to be a contradiction here--you dismiss my speeches as just so much posing, but then attack me because I prefer to demonstrate my evil with lives ended and minds destroyed, not with silly songs and gestures. Ask the shrieking victims I've sacrificed on Cthulhu's altar if I'm committed to evil. Ask the virgins who have watched me offer their still-beating hearts to the Old Ones if there are outward signs and symbols that reflect the evil in my heart.

As for these unbecoming insinuations about my appearance, and the nature of my existence... well, let's just say I'm every bit as human as you are, and (at least when you assume your true form) every bit as handsome. You know as well as me that it's a mistake for either of us to open up that can of worms.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I haven't eaten all day and need to open up a can of worms. Nothing beats a light snack when you're out on the campaign trail!

Posted by Abdul Alhazred | March 6, 2008 12:57 PM

So Douthat has just completely checked out mentally from this blog now, right? I mean he's really been phoning it in for awhile, hasn't he?

Posted by Freddie | March 6, 2008 5:13 PM

The important issue about Obama's church is how far left its essential ideas are. My www.VDARE.com column next Monday will explore some overlooked evidence about that.

Posted by Steve Sailer | March 6, 2008 6:41 PM

Please, not another crappy Steve Sailer jerk-off column. You make Jonah Goldberg look almost intelligent. You'll find the revolver in the study, with the customary single, silver bullet. Do the right thing - and raise the national IQ 6 points. You know you want to.

Posted by techar | March 6, 2008 6:53 PM

A single silver bullet? Sailer's a werewolf? Why am I always the last to know about these things? I guess this isn't as bad as not realizing until 2003 that David Broder died during the Reagan Administration.

Posted by Abdul Alhazred | March 6, 2008 7:16 PM

Abdul, you flipflopping Kenneth Starr embracing spawn of Nyarlothep, what brings you slithering back here? BTW, since we share a sense of humor, if you'd like to drop me a line, you can find me at parallan AT hotmail DOT com. Love to hear from you, you gelatinous mass of curved with non-Euclidean geometry, you!

Posted by undeadconcilium | March 6, 2008 7:32 PM

I am a journalist in one of the bigger newsrooms in the country. I have to tell you that the e-mail dispatches I receive from Media Matters, NewsBusters, and their ilk go straight to the junk bucket. I don't know anybody in my business who reads them. It's not that they make inaccurate critiques; it's that they're so relentless (and relentlessly partisan) you learn to treat their constant stream of e-mails like so much noise. And, as Ross notes, exceedingly petty. You can't have some pundit fart sideways without one of these outfits blasting out a critical e-mail. I've come to see these groups as like a cranky old codger who sits on the park bench grousing whether anyone is listening or not. I think the role these groups really serve is to raise money for themselves by making partisans of their persuasion believe that yeah, we're not letting those biased assholes get away with it! I'm sure there's an audience for that sort of thing, but it's not in newsrooms.

And don't get me started on the unending gusher of crap we all get from the presidential campaigns. Did you know Mike Huckabee's people are still sending out e-mails? I got two or three today.

Posted by Unknown journalist | March 6, 2008 9:04 PM

So scouring the media looking for things to complain about on a website is WAY worse than scouring Media Matters website looking for things to complain about on the Atlantic website. Got it.

Posted by tgb1000 | March 6, 2008 10:54 PM

I saw a show once on the sulphur miners at Ijen crater of Indonesia. They have to carry 70-90 kilograms (up to 200 lbs) of sulphur across a semi-active volcano. They do get up to $10 a days, which is twice or so what they'd get in the neighboring coffee plantations. Still the strain on the back and the fumes can be hazzardous. My guess is that's one of the worst jobs in the world.

In the US being a timber cutter or a fisherman might be pretty high. It's quite hazzardous and I don't think the pay is unusually great.

Oh wait this was political jobs. Maybe being a tobacco lobbyist or a pollster.

Posted by Thomas R | March 8, 2008 5:58 AM

Unknown Journalist: "I have to tell you that the e-mail dispatches I receive from Media Matters, NewsBusters, and their ilk go straight to the junk bucket. I don't know anybody in my business who reads them."

That's too bad: perhaps that's why both sides of the political spectrum think your profession is a mess when it comes to research and objectivity, and why they are probably correct. I can't think of any profession that works so incredibly hard all to produce material so intellectually lazy and uninformed. The fact that these organizations are biased to only care about mistakes that hurt both sides is predictable. The fact that your profession increasingly doesn't care about making mistakes is, however, simply depressing. Not that listening MM or NB is the best way to avoid gross inaccuracy and absurdity, but it's just one more way in which your profession has worked to insulate itself from reality and accountability.

And lest you think I'm just harping on a political diatribe, this applies to non-political subjects just as much: if I read any piece of science journalism not written by some of the very few good writers, for instance, I can almost guarantee a misleading headline followed by an utterly incompetent and confused description of the work-virtually always inferior to what the scientists themselves could have simply written to describe the work or phenomenon being reported on.

And increasingly, those scientists ARE doing just that on blogs and elsewhere. You can now turn from asinine reporting on some topic to a wealth of highly literate and entertaining bloggers explaining complex concepts with ease and delight.

"I'm sure there's an audience for that sort of thing, but it's not in newsrooms."

Where biased assholes get away with it as long as it makes your organization plenty of ratings/money.

Posted by Bad | March 11, 2008 1:14 PM

David Brock hates Hitch because Hitchens way back when flayed Brock in his review of "Blinded By the Right" (or whatever that book was called). Whenever mediamatters ("for America"--so don't call them unpatriotic, repug's!) covers Hitchens, they should disclose that Brock still has that bruises left by Hitchens.

Posted by Nietzschean | March 12, 2008 7:36 PM

I think the media refuses to show clips of Obama's church because the liberal democrats who control most of the major media know that once all us fly-over white trash see obama's "spiritual mentor" railing against "white skin privilege" and the foreign and domestic policy of "racist white america," we might not be so keen on their candidate; afterall, we can't be expected to understand why it's understandable and a-ok that there be such a thing called a "black value system" but not a white one.

Posted by Nietzschean | March 12, 2008 7:44 PM